THE TWENTY-THIRD LITTLE VARMINT

Immediately after our arrival we were given a bath and then paraded, naked, into the tailors shop. There were two men in the shop, both very badly crippled. It was the first time I had ever seen such handicaps and was somewhat taken aback. Mr Runcie, who was in charge, walked with considerable difficulty, but the other fellows legs were so bad that he just sat, cross-legged on the table.

First, we were given a haircut-a very short haircut. Next, we were kitted out with our uniform. It was an exciting moment. I had never had long trousers before and now, here i was receiving bell-bottoms, just like my uncle John had worn. We were each given a pile of clothes and a pair of brand- new boots. We dressed quickly and struggled into the stiff, new boots. Thus , well-shorn and immaculately clad, off we went into a strange new world where everything was done by numbers, by bugle calls or by flags; where people spoke of the "quarter-deck" when they really meant the assembly hall; where the "foretop" and the "maintop" were simply balconies and where even the corridors had names-"Trafalgar", "Nile" and "Camperdown".

Our day began with a bugle call to reveille at a quarter past six. In each of ten dormitories, thirty boys leapt from their cots onto the cold, polished lino. each boy had two blankets and two sheets. These were carefully folded according to precise instructions and placed at the end of the bed so each looked exactly as the next. After prayers, the daily routine continued apace and our next activity was a visit to the washroom. It was all done under strict supervision. We were assembled in the Drill Hall, marched away for our ablutions and then marched back again for inspection. That completed, we were marched into breakfast.

Breakfast was at seven-thirty and was typical of all our meals in the Dining Hall. Here, again, everything happened strictly to the word of command. It really had to be that way. We all dined together-upwards of three hundred boys. Without discipline, we would never have got through our meals. In the dining room there were eighteen long, wooden refrectory tables -six rows of three-with benches on either side and a single stool at one end. Eight boys sat on each side and a senior boy, a kind of table monitor, at the head. It was his job to dish out the food and keep order. We stood silently at our places until the Officer of the watch was satisfied that everyone was present and standing properly to attention. When he was ready , he would say, 'Prepare to sing Grace!' As one we would begin.

Grace over, he would continue, 'Right, sit down!' At that three hundred youngsters would scramble over their benches and sit down. Food would be served by the senior boy at each table but no-one would lift a spoon until the next command, 'Carry on eating!' We were not allowed to talk while we were eating but when the clatter of cutlery had finally died down, the Officer of the Watch would announce, 'Right, carry on talking!' At that point, every boy in the hall would decide that he wanted to talk to a boy three tables away. There would be absolute pandemonium for the next few minutes.

We studied the usual school subjects of those days and, in addition, of course, there was our nautical instruction. There were specialist instructors, Petty Officers ex-experienced in Signalling, Seamanship and Gunnery as well as Physical Training. Lessons continued until four O'Clock with a lunch break at noon. There was drill at four-thirty and tea an hour later. The bracing Norfolk air gave us all enormous appetites and we were always hungry. After tea we had a break and then there were prayers. The whole school gathered for evening service on the 'quarterdeck'. There we would stand, barefoot but immaculate, twelve ranks deep, looking up at the bridge, the great ship's bell overhead. At half past seven, precisely, we would hear the clip-clop-clip of aproaching feet on an upstairs corridor floor. It was the Admiral! Just as the great man arrived, the Officer of the Watch would bark out 'Off Capps,' and immediately our short-cropped heads would be bared.

After prayers we would retire for a shower and then bed. The nightly bathing routine was a remarkable exercise- a mixture of Naval efficiency and pure pantomime! It all took place in a big room which housed no less than thirty-seven showers. Seventy-four of us, at a time, would be assembled and marched, absolutely naked, into the room. We would then stand properly at ease beneath the showers-two boys to a shower. There we would stand, as the Officer of the Watch slowly turned the huge water valve. We all knew what was coming next and before the first drop of water fell, most heads would be surreptitiously lowered, eyes closed and shoulders gradually hunched. Then, out would come the water- freezing cold ! Seventy-four little boys would shout and scream- but not for long! It was traditional that the water would stay cold until everyone was completely quiet and, believe me, if there was a new boy making any noise, he was quickly given a friendly nudge and told to shut up

As soon as the water was warm, we would be told to, 'Soap yourselves down!' Now between the showers, there were wooden railings and every eighteen inches, or so, a piece of soap and a scrubbing brush. We would grab these and have a really good wash before the water was turned off. Afterwards, we would replace the soap and brush and stand properly at ease again. When everyone was quite still, we would be ordered to 'Swill yourselves off!' and back would come the water. Then followed something that still turns my stomach. we recieved the order, 'Clear your heads!' and for some reason we were expected to blow our noses through our fingers. Finally, we were ordered to 'Clear the bathroom!' and we would line up around the edge of the room ready for inspection. One by one we would present ourselves, hands held high in the air. One Officer would inspect the top half, back and front, and then we would go to another room where a different Officer would inspect the bottom half-back and front!. Each boy would shout out his number. 'Two-three-two!' I would call out. A boy would tick off the number off his check list and that was that, your'd been through the bath!

After our shower it was off to bed. Clothed only in our long white nightshirts, we would snuggle down into our cots. Despite my shortcomings, however, I must have impressed someone because one evening something happened which would dramatically affect the rest of my time at Watts. During the evening, after the bath and before bed, a number of boys would be summoned to the Executive Officer's room. This was often for some minor infringement of the rules and it usually meant a few cuts of the cane. If, for instance your towel was found in the wrong place, it was put in the scram-bag and it cost two cuts to redeem. It was no great deal but it did stop everyone leaving their things all over the place. I was expecting a few cuts, therefore, but when I was told, by the Executive Officer, to report to the Admiral's Office, I thought that I was going to be shot. When I entered the office, however, I was surprised to see, not the great man himself, but his wife, Lady Gertrude Eaton Ellis. She told me what a good job I made of the top deck toilets. She asked me to start work as the Admiral's houseboy.

© Dennis Sloan 1988
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